i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
