Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love accidental penises.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
