it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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