Have you finally orgasmed yet?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
