He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
