and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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