i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
