I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
