shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
