you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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