how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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