yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
