I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
