i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
