My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
