If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
