we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
