like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
