I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
