best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
