I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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