sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
