The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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