Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
