I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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