it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
