They should really pass out barf bags in church
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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