Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
