at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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