Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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