I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
