David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
