Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
