is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
