while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
