Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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