He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
