Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You've changed since you got that strap on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
