I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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