I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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