I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize
