did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
