I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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