I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
