Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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