He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
