I hate all girls vehemently.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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