Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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