You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
