It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
