When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
