Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
